So thursday me and elder McMillan decided to tract a street that we had a good feeling about. Anyways, we knocked like 12 doors in a row and none of them answered....yet they were all home #classic. We got to the last door and knocked it hoping someone would answer....well someone did and lets just call her Micah for now even though thats not her name. She answered and we asked if we could say a prayer with her. She was in her early 20's and so she just kinda smiled and thought it was weird. She told us that she was a hopeless cause and we told her that she wasn't. She said that she had made really bad decisions in her life and told us a little bit about her past. She had a ROUGH life. We prayed with her and had the most spiritual experience though...it was really cool. She told us after the prayer that she had never felt this good in her life before. She was crying and it was hard to get her to stop. She asked if we could come by tomorrow and teach her. When we left that doorstep we thought that this girl was the miracle girl we always dream of...haha little did I know. So we go back friday at 1pm. I did an exchange with Elder Roundy so I took him with me. She wasn't there so we left a card saying we would try back later. Well we went back later that evening and she was a little tipsy. She asked us to say a prayer, but this time...she wanted to hold our hands while we prayed. Lets just say, this is where I began to be very uncomfortable because she wasn't just holding my hand. We quickly prayed with her and said we needed to go and that we would come back on saturday morning to teach her as long as she was sober. She agreed. We went back saturday with an Ex Marine to teach her and she was sober. She invited us in and the lesson was going really well. She was asking tons of questions about the atonement and how she could change her life. But then, apparently she couldn't stand the spirit anymore and she broke down. She just cried. And then she randomly got up and went to her refrgierator and started drinking. She came back and we continued to teach her but then she got up again and took another drink. I finally had a sudden urge to leave. I interruppted Elder Roundy and told her that we needed to go. This is when it got bad. She got mad at me for telling her that we had to go. She started asking really weird questions like how old I was and if i was married and stuff like that. She then started telling me that I was not allowed to leave and that "she wanted me to stay with her". I obviously told her we had to go and stood up to leave. She started yelling and saying, "i want you to stay with me!! I want to be with you" and got up and started getting pretty violent and flailing her arms around. She then looked at my companion and the member and yelled at them to leave. She said "i want to be alone with him and I want you to leave". We didn't know what to do because she was literally guarding the door and telling everyone that they had to go NOW but she wanted me to stay. So I told her okay, we can talk alone outside but only if they can sit in the car and roll their windows down. She agreed and we all went outside and they got in the car and rolled their windows down. Lets just say it went downhill from there and she tried to get me to come into her apartment again...I had never felt so dark in my life and all of a sudden I had a feeling to just run. So I turned and ran. literally and she chased after me. I jumped into the truck and we booked it out of there. Man I had never in my life been more UNCOMFORTABLE in my life. So I called President and he said I needed to leave the area for at least 24 hours. I got emergency exchanged to Moore, Oklahoma for 24 hours. Well now I am back, and we will NEVER be going back to that area where she lived again. I am telling you, I don;t know what it is with me and crazy people in oklahoma. My goodness. Do not put this story on my blog.
Anyways, I have gained an interesting perspective on the Atonement this week. I have never felt so empowered before. We have worked so hard this week and it seems like every thing we set up fell through. No one answered the door, everyone yelled at us and called us names, we couldn't find anyone to teach...yet I felt strong. I felt strengthened. The Lord has been teaching me alot about the empowering motivating power of the Atonement of Christ. I have a testimony that not only can the Atonement wash us of our sins and comfort us, but it can also motivate and empower us to become more like Christ. I want to share a scripture I have been studying lately. 3 Nephi 27:15
15 And for this cause have I been alifted up; therefore, according to the power of the Father I will draw all men unto me, that they may be judged according to their bworks.
Its cool that He uses the term "draw men in". Its almost like to persuade men to come. The atonement has an amzing power to DRAW us into Christ. His love makes us want to become like Him. It motivates us. It moves us to become as He would have us become. Its like a gravitational pull that the atonement has on us if we will let it.
I have seen this in my life so many times. I fell like I am at the end and then when I look back, I was strengthened to become better to go over and beyond. Christ will give us power even when we feel like we can't make it anymore. He doesn't expect us to go through life alone or on sheer will power or grit, He expects us to use His atonement to get through life and overcome our "natural man" tendencies. Trust Him.
I love you guys!! Hope all is well wherever yall are!! Write me!!!
Elder Cutler
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